email: ryansullivan651@gmail.com title background inspo: The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger |
Reading Update: The Time Traveler's WifeThis book is garbage, but I can't figure out why. Obviously, I am very uncomfortable with the fact that the male love interest met the female main character when she was six-years-old and he was forty, but besides that there's something else at work here that make me go a little insane. I'm currently on page 184 out of 536, and I hate not finishing books -- something my romantic partner fails to understand; I will be finishing this book whether I like it or not. I just can't figure out the particular aspect that makes it so awful. I relate to the male character in the fact that he was a bit of a toxic ex-boyfriend to most of his ex-lovers, and the female character is a virgin until they meet (both at age twenty-somethings). The change in narrator really throws me for a loop, honestly. Dual/multiple perspectives is not necessarily a bad thing, but it always feels amatuer whenever I read it. This particular book changes perspective with a bold statement of their names and a colon symbol to express that its their inner monologue. I have been trying to descide if this is the reason I hate this book so, but I'm finding that it's just another small mistep on the author's part. If it were just that small mistep, I think I would be able to at least enjoy the book on a pure entertainment level, yet there are more misteps as I continue to read. As I've mentioned, the male love interest met the female main character when he was forty and she was six-years-old. This is already weird enough. This feels like a story about a victim of grooming more than anything else. Then, there are multiple instances in which the male character (Henry) forgets that he's not interacting with his wife, but actually a child. When the female main character (Clare) is in her teen years, Henry actively becomes attracted to her! I feel gross and disgusting every time it is mentioned. Henry mentions her feet and sitting between her legs. Then, he kisses her -- when she is seventeen! I understand that time travel is a complicated concept, and there would be some that could argue against my pedophilic read of this book. However, I have seen time travel book that has explored the idea of interacting with your significant other's childhood self without it being this weird: This Is How You Lose the Time War. It's a beautiful book that has that tangled mess of what it is like to finding your soulmate, and how it connect you deeper than just a physical or emotional bond; it feel like you have connected on a spiritual level. When I compare my love for This Is How You Lose the Time War to my hatred The Time Traveler's Wife, all I feel is disappointment. I really wanted -- and currently want to -- love this book. I love time travel nonsense (my favorite TV show as a kid was Doctor Who); it's always so fascinating to me. However, as I've come to realize with this book, maybe not everyone quite understands how to write a romance -- especially with something as complicated a concept as time travel. I will keep you readers updated as I continue (and finish) the book. I know books can have very weak beginnings and very strong endings/climaxes, so I'm hoping this particular book with redeem itself, but I am unsure. In Praise of ShadowsI just finished In Praise of Shadows. It's a wonderful essay. It's a very interesting book and placed next to Severance is very fascinating. Obviously, Severance is western-based; albeit, Japanese modern culture (especially the work place) has been shaped around Western offices. I am unsure of exact situation of Japanese office buildings (besides what I've seen from TikTok), so I wonder if Japanese office workers would relate to my fear that office buildings give me. As for the essay itself, it is beautifully written. As the afterward mentions, it meanders to seemingly random topics, but at its core it is mourning the loss of traditional Japanese culture. I would speak to my friends about this essay jokingly as my architecture book, but I feel as though it contains much more than that. My professor did originally suggest this book for me as an architecture-based book, so I came into the essay focused on that topic. I do find Japanese architecture, especially traditional architecture, very interesting. My experience of the architecture is limited to video games, but art like video games is a reflection of the culture -- and by extension architecture. Obviously I will never have the cultural understanding of the incredible architecture, but I believe the observations within this essay really opened my eyes to what Japanese architecture is: its praise of shadows. The author's interest in shade and darkness is so opposite of my instinctual thought of good architectural design. The idea of light is strikingly deep within me. However, as seen in Severance, too much light is uncomfortable to me, yet I fear the dark. The lifeless, dark, and featureless walls of House of Leaves examines when that darkness is overbearing -- threatening, even. Severance and House of Leaves directly shows us how this imbalance of light is truly horrifying. In Praise of Shadows emphasizes the balance of darkness and light -- highlighting that gold is the perfect balance. Gold shimmers wonderfully in a dark room with little light; it brightens up the room in a literal sense. I believe I will be taking this thought into making my rooms from now on, and additionally, observe how light and dark is used in all buildings -- not just the home or the office. Severance Season 1I just finished watching the first season of Severance with my romantic partner. It was amazing; I was on the edge of my seat during that finale! The sets are horrifyingly beautiful that only an office space can truly capture. I have been in office spaces before. My first internship was actually at a corporate building. I only visited two of the three floors, but there's something particularly devestating about office spaces. Severance perfectly captures that unease that I feel even now in some of the stale classrooms I am in now. There is a particular hallway on campus -- on a basement floor -- that gives me the exact same feeling that the hallways of Severance give me. Barren, empty, quiet, and lifeless the hallway truly scares me. I do wonder if the lack of windows or any natural light is what gives me this feeling. I understand that many people will never experience architecture this way; there is a reason why these buildings are constructed the way they are, but I cannot deny how they shake me to my core. House of Leaves by Danielewski explores the idea of the horror of a lifeless and monsterous hallway, but it will never compare to the natural structure of an office building. All the nooks and crannies of the intentional ideal work-place environment somehow makes it lifeless. The words that describe my feelings are nonexistant. Severance, however, in its great sets truly make you feel lost in its halls. Perhaps this feeling is something all office workers grow out of, but in my young state, I still feel its full effects. The drama mixed with the horror is perfectly executed. You Don't Even Speak Spanish! Me and my romantic partner just watched a play titled "You Don't Even Speak Spanish!" tonight, and I've got to say: it's fine. Me and my partner (they have a theatre degree, so I trust their opinion more than my own) talked about it afterwards and came to the conclusion that it just wasn't that good. I personally didn't like the comedy aspects, but I do blame that more on the fact that I dislike this type of comedy anyway. My partner was fine with the comedy saying that it gave the impression of sit-com characters like the Simpsons. I tire of sit-com jokes very fast, and found myself rolling my eyes by the end of the two-hour long play. However, that just seems of personal preference, so I intend to not be too harsh in my review of it. The actors, direction, and the set were great. I don't really have any particular comment on it, since I'm not experienced with that, but it's not like I've never seen a play before. I think the actors were fun and energetic. I hate to be the guy that boasts about my own school (especially since that is where my partner also attended), but the CSUSB production is really quite good. I especially enjoyed the use of the projectors throughout the story. I'm not really sure how plays are written, so I'm not actually sure who to give the credit to exactly about that. However, it was a fun touch to the play overall. The writing, however, is a little displeasurable. Some of my partner's old college friends warned us beforehand -- saying something to the effect of "brace yourself." My partner, to my surprise, understood why they said that. Going into the play they warned me that it was not good. However, I am enamoured with a bad book, so I didn't think it could be that bad. My partner and I discussed the characters themselves on the car ride home, and they pointed out that they especially disliked the main characters -- Jorge and Agent Orange. I sadly have to say that I agree on their assessment. The two characters were by far the least funny and the least likeable out of the entire cast. Jorge is a bumbling fool, but still has the capacity to understand the intricacies of Chicano and Filipino oppression. Which is not to say that you can't be stupid and not understand how oppression affects you, but it is odd when your character has all the right words for it. By referring to "the system" and by just saying the word "oppression" just gives me the idea that he has at least read one book on how people are taken advantaged of, yet he is directly taken advantage of by Agent Orange. Agent Orange is terrible name, by the way. I do like the nod to the code Agent Orange being used in the Vietnam War, but it does feel a smidge off topic all things considered. Maybe I missed it, but I wish maybe the dead soldier character could have been in the Vietnam war, just so that it feels like a bigger threat. Anyhow, Jorge and Agent Orange (and even Agent Blackwater) feel as though they are apart of another play -- a much worse one. They follow a story that almost directly tells you the message it's trying to say: government bad. I agree, Chicanos have had it rough. However, it didn't feel correctly placed in this comedy-first play. Comedy can of go over some real topics and express them in a unique way, but whenever Jorge and Agent Orange would speak about how the government treats them poorly, it comes off as "soap-box" as my partner puts it. As in, they believe that it is so important that they are interrupting the show to yell it at you. The puzzle pieces of righeousness and comedy simply don't play well in this particular play. To give an example of a possible comedy with an important message: Severance. Severance is considered a black comedy by wikipedia, interlaced with an office-room drama with a sci-fi twist. The comedy of that show is perfectly interlaced with the issues that it observes: workplace abuse. In Severance, the drama comes before the comedy, and both of these genres are pointed to the endgoal of its message. With You Don't Even Speak Spanish, it feels as though I was watching two completely different plays that happened to be placed in the same block of theatre time. Its comedy perfectly encapsulates what the play is saying. However, that strong theme within the comedy is completely thrown in the garbage whenever Jorge, Agent Orange, or Agent Blackwater come onto stage. They directly say what the play is about to the audience -- making them less characters and more like mouthpieces. Of course, I agree with the entire play is saying, and I of course agree with the speeches these characters make. However, if I were an editor, I would attempt to make that message more subtext than text. I think the playwrite should write a speech for a political canidate -- or a sit-com. Either way, it is very clear that this is this playwrite's first ever written play, and I do hope he improves. All I ask though, don't write speeches in your plays. Iguana GirlI just finished reading Iguana Girl by Moto Hagio. My professor recommended me the manga after I gave my midterm presentation on The Girl from the Other Side. The inhuman characters was an important aspect the connected the two mangas, but Iguana Girl is so much more relatable than The Girl from the Other Side. Iguana Girl examines generational trauma passed down from mother to daughter. I've read a more extreme example of this in Jennette McCurdy's I'm Glad My Mom Died, and my mother at the time was upset about me reading it -- thinking I would resent her after reading it. Of course, I do not resent my mother, but I found McCurdy's maternal pressure relatable, even if my experience wasn't as extreme. Iguana Girl has a much more mellow approach to the topic of generational trauma. The mother of the titular iguana girl saw herself within the children she birthed; one that expressed all of her flaws (the iguana) and one that expressed the ideal she wanted (a human child). Her opinions on her children affected both of them in harmful ways, more obviously in iguana girl than her sister. Most startling, however, is that her opinions on her children was a reflection of her opinion on herself. She hides who she truly is from the world -- it is revealed that she is also an iguana -- and places her ideal (being human) on a pedestal that harms the human sister. The human sister isn't able to succeed because the mother was not honest about the human sister's flaws. Flaws, in which, prevent her from succeeding in the same way her mistreated sister was able to achieve; the world punished the mistakes of the mother onto the human daughter. This generational trauma affects us all -- not just the extremity of McCurdy's reality or the visually obvious problems of Iguana Girl. It's important to heal our trauma caused by our parents and most importantly to live life beyond them. Various Meal Update I've been cooking quite a bit of different stuff! Right now I'm going through my fettuccine with four cheese tomato-based sauce. I do wish I got some alfredo for these noodles, but it still tastes good nonetheless; I added olives, green beans, spam, and onions to it! I did, in fact, cooked my veggies and meat in a different pan (one-pot spaghetti, my detested), and I'm so happy I did. The flavors really nicely combine together, and the pasta is not greasy at all. I've also been adding parmesan to the top, which obviously improves it a bit as well. No regrets with this recipe, besides the fact that I think I should've added more olives and green beans. I feel like I barely find any in my servings. One Pot SpaghettiI made one-pot spaghetti yesterday as my lunch and dinner using this recipe . I used some week-expired ground beef (bad, I know), but thankfully it hadn't gone rotten yet. If I waited any longer, I think I might have been forced to throw it out. Before even putting my ground beef into the pot though, I burned the oil. I really hope the burnt oil isn't too hard to scrub off. The process itself was very easy -- almost too easy. As I prepared the pasta and sauce, I still wasn't sure about this recipe. I'm glad it turned out so well, but sad to say, it is way too greasy for my liking. I did add some cheese to offput the grease that was stuck to the noodles, and it mostly worked. I honestly don't think I'll be using this recipe ever again. I think I'm better off just cooking the meat seperately and then adding it when I add the sauce. That is the way my dad taught it to me, and now I realize for good reason. Sunrise on the Reaping by Suzanne CollinsOh. My. God. For anyone who's read the Hunger Games series, you must read this book. It is crazy -- in ways I can barely describe. I finished reading the last half of the book in one day -- 200 pages of the 400. I want to argue that this is the best for Collins yet. I read the Hunger Games trilogy for the first time a few years ago, and I thought it was amazing. It truly inspects America under a lens not seen by most. She is a wonderful write with tons of symbolism and aspects that one has to really look for in order to see. From start to finish, Sunrise on the Reaping is compelling, horrifying, and passionate. This book actively wants to tell you something that you cannot ignore: the horror of propaganda. To compare to a book I've also read, this series as a whole can be directly tied to 1984. Collins herself even includes a quote from 1984 at the beginning of the book. (Side tangent: I saw some guy on Tiktok say tha 1984 was written that year -- very funny. It was written in the 40s, after WWII.) Her interaction with 1984 is intense and justified. She finds a hopeful perspective in the original trilogy that is quite comforting. However, that comfort is remarkedly unseen in Sunrise on the Reaping. Starring Haymitch -- Katniss Everdeen's mentor in the original trilogy -- we see his games and the manipulation and torment he was put through, conducted by the heinous President Snow. This book requires the read of The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. My boyfriend did not read Collins' other prequel, but I feel as though you must read The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes first before fully understanding the depth of horror Snow puts Haymitch through. As I've said before, the symbolism in this book is terrifyingly incredible. Me and my boyfriend are still talking about the amount of symbols that pervade the book and relate them back to the original trilogy. I saw someone on Tiktok try reading these books in chronological order in-universe. This would be a very intersting way to read it as a second or third read, but I do not suggest this as a first-time experience with the Hunger Games. These books need to be read in the order they were published, which is downright crazy to say -- even Narnia is enjoyed in in-universe chronological order. However, Collins has intention in each one of her books. I am unsure if the overall population understands that, but as a reader who takes a special interest in the themes of the Hunger Games, I beg of you please read these books in the order they were published. I am excited about the movie being released, but also I'm not getting my hopes up. I believe movie for The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes was the best movie out of the all of them released so far, but it lacks that inner voice that the story requires -- at least if you take the story on a surface level. If you want the full experience of the Hunger Games, read the books in publish order. I love them, and I am excited to see whatever Collins decides to do next -- maybe I'll even go back and read some of her older works if I get bored of Don Quixote again. Rice PuddingJust made rice pudding this morning! I've made rice pudding before, but my friends keep making fun of me for it. I, obviously, had to try again. I forgot to look at the portions, so I eyeballed it this time around (always a bad idea). I used this recipe with some already cooked rice. I may have added too much sugar, but the sweetness really compliments the starch rice taste. I have no complaints, but who knows if my parents will like it at all. I ate the rice pudding for breakfast, which has become a small ritual for me. When I made rice pudding the first time, I would constantly eat it for breakfast. I'm not sure if it's healthy or a good idea, but it gets some carbs in me -- can't hurt to have more of that when I have to bike everywhere. It's a good jumpstart to the day! I'm still reading Sunrise on the Reaping. Without spoiling anything, I just finished the interviews, and Haymitch is about to enter the games. I'm so anxious to see what happens -- considering this is nearly halfway through the book. Also, I added a title image based on what I think the capital looks like. I'm thinking about reformatting my blog posts to include more images, maybe I'll use a table element to include an image on the left/right and the actual blog post on the side of it. Enough of my rambling, I'm just having fun with this project. Homemade Marmalade I'm currently catsitting at my parent's place. My cat, Creamer, is doing alright. He's almost seven years old now, but he's still very spry and he constantly escapes through any open door. Thankfully, he comes home within the hour. Overall though, he isn't that much work: feed him wet food in the morning, give him water and dry food, and clean his litter box. This does not take up my whole day, so I brought an activity for myself: orangles, lemons, and pectin!
New Blog Yay!My new blog... so shiny, so new! Eee!! I've been meaning to actually code this thing for a while now, but I've been so swamped with schoolwork. Midterms just ended this week, and now I'm close to spring break, but I have one last assignment I have to do tomorrow. Of course, I am ignoring it for now. I really wanted my website up and running so I could maybe share it with people. I'm going to be uploading some of my papers from school that I really liked from this week, but for now I'm just so happy I started this project! Even if it looks terrible, it's uniquely mine! Essay Ideas (archived from a school project)Recently, I've had quite a few essay ideas that I've wanted to explore, but have not had the time or energy to properly outline/write them. My first rough idea is about a video game character, G'raha Tia from Final Fantasy XIV. His character genuinely fascinates me. The main theme I wanted to observe with this character is self-sacrifice. In high school and preceding self-help college lectures, the concept of the Self-fulfilling Prophecy would always come up, and I think it pertains to this character a lot. I've currently have an article that I printed out about that very topic on my floor (where papers go when it no longer fits on my desk), and I've been trying to get myself to start reading it; however, I have not gotten the want to read it because of the taunting task of starting this essay. One day, I'll actually be able to pick it up. Anyway, the basis of this essay is how G'raha plans on sacrificing himself from the beginning of his two stories, which eliminates the idea for him that he could survive. Though, by the end of his stories, he survives through his friendship with the main character, proving that through friendship and companionship that one can escape this self-fulfilling prophecy. Anyway, this is one of the essays I do want to write that has a solid basis, which you'll see is not that common in my essay ideas. My other rough idea is an essay about architecture and the horror of it. One of my favorite books of all time is House of Leaves, a horror novel about a house that is bigger on the inside. A very quick synopsis would be that a family moves into a house in the countryside, but one day a door appears in the their living room. In this door, there are a series of dark hallways and the father of the family and a few of his friends descend into these cave-like hallways until a few of them die. It's a very good book, I cannot recommend it enough. This essay will have House of Leaves as one of the main topics, but I also want to include more recent horror games, like R.E.P.O., and Lethal Company. Both of these video games are multiplayer where you explore a series of rooms in horrifying buildings. The architecture of the buildings are so fascinating -- both in a setting of post-apocalypse. The horror of it all in relation to these familiar yet strange levels, it always brought to mind of House of Leaves. I'm not sure how to put all of this together. I think I need to find some essays on architecture and how it relates to human feeling before I fully dive into this essay. This has been in my head for a very long time. One day, I will have to write this. Homemade Apple Cider (archived from a school project)I recently made some homemade apple cider using this recipe. Ever since I started living at the dorm, I've been trying to cook recipes with random crap I don't usually like that my parents keep pushing onto me. Most recently: they gave me two apples (I dislike uncooked apples) and an orange (I also dislike eating this uncooked). With these ingredients, my first thought was to make apple cider! I love apple cider, and I've never attempted to cook it myself. My mom used to make her own special apple cider by buying precooked apple cider and then adding cloves into it on the stove top. I thought it couldn't be too difficult, and it wasn't! However, I did burn the apple cider. I burnt my poor saucepan. I followed the recipe, but I wasn't checking the pot often enough. I checked it about every 30 minutes, playing video games in between. Apparently, 2 hours and 30 minutes was too long! However, when I checked it at 2 hours, it was perfect. The recipe, however, calls for you to let it sit for a little while longer. My sorry soul did not realize that a little while did not mean another 30 minutes. I tried to salvage it, but the flavor was too concentrated at that point. It was way too strong, almost bitter (surprisingly), and even when I added water it was still too strong. I also should have added more cinnamon. I think I can do it again, better next time. I highly suggest this recipe with two apples and half an orange in a small sauce pan -- and add way too much cinnamon. I would check it every 15 minutes during the two hour simmering -- tasting to make sure it's going well! Anyway, I have a lot of apple, orange, and cinnamon left over from cooking this, so I'm planning on adding it to some vanilla ice cream to make a make-shift apple cider ice cream. I'll post if it works out! Unedited Book Reviews (archived from a school project)I recently finished two pieces of Japanese literature: Growing Up and In the Gutter by Higuchi Ichiyō. I have already turned in the book to the library, and I do not recall the translator's name; therefore, I'll do my best to refer to the content instead of my own opinions on the translator's choices. These two stories are quite wonderful. Growing Up is about a young girl growing up to be a geisha and In the Gutter is about a geisha who has fallen in love with a married man. The stories of the characters feel very realistic and poetic. The reason why I had read these novellas is because of my anime class (as I lovingly call it) because we had to watch a TV adaptation of Growing Up in class. The film in class was much different than how it was presented in the book. I think the TV adaptation was much better for my USA-American understanding of story-telling. However, the translation included In the Gutter, and I personally dislike reading collections and only reading one story from them. Therefore, I read the second story, and I'm so glad I did! Thanks to getting familiar with the story telling by Ichiyō, I was able to enjoy In the Gutter much better than the previous story. In the Gutter is very short -- twenty pages short -- but I enjoyed it start to finish. The intense conflict within the main character geisha is incredible, and not to mention, the ending is so crazy. The last piece of Japanese literature I've read before these books was Hell Screen by Ryūnosuke Akutagawa sometime last year. I think I'm finding that I quite enjoy Japanese classic literature! I've been currently reading more European classic literature as well, mainly Don Quixote. If you know anything about that book, you may know that it is very very long. I'm currently 300 out of 1000 pages in. I've been reading it since last summer. Surely, I'll finish it this year! |
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Still under construction, please be nice!